I remember waking up in the middle of last night, and in that moment of weakness, praying that I meet a man I could spend my life with.
I must've fallen asleep right afterwards, as I awoke next morning with memories of the strangest dream.
I had dreamt of my old house, where I'd grown up. I was young again, probably in my early teens and my grandparents were still alive.
From our terrace, a strange looking monkey suddenly entered our house. It was sitting on the table, and oddly had white whiskers and hair just like an aged man. The monkey said that he was looking for his family and had been searching for many years and this is why he would enter people's homes. The monkey's eyes were sad, and yet, slightly mischievous.
To my child's eyes, the problem seemed simple and I told the monkey that if he continued northwards, he would reach Borivali National Park, a huge forested area, where there were sure to be many monkeys and he might find his missing family among them.
Just as I said this, my grandmother singalled a gawking maid who suddenly leapt up, grabbed a stick and what seemed to me violently, chased the monkey out.
Having been both an agnostic and an atheist, am now exploring books written by Paramhansa Yogananda and Sadhguru and trying to read other Hindu scriptures. Just as I awoke, I wondered if this were a response to my earlier wish, where I had asked for a man. The monkey in my dream, seemed to be a man too. By asking for a man, would I be satisfied with just a male counterpart - what if he was only a monkey?
Though I have never wanted just a shallow caricature of a romantic fictional 'man', I think the dream was a lesson to teach me that I had asked for something quite shallow. If 'maleness' was all I wanted, then even a talking monkey ought to suffice! Perhaps this was my subconscious recognizing that I need to clarify and crystallize to myself, what I really wanted. Or that one should live one's life without a constant companion as that's not as important as spiritual upliftment.
I know am not ready for that. I still need a partner for companionship - and being single again for over five years has only reinforced that, but yes, an intelligent being, someone with humour and feeling and the qualities that would make him humane. Too much to hope for?
I must've fallen asleep right afterwards, as I awoke next morning with memories of the strangest dream.
I had dreamt of my old house, where I'd grown up. I was young again, probably in my early teens and my grandparents were still alive.
From our terrace, a strange looking monkey suddenly entered our house. It was sitting on the table, and oddly had white whiskers and hair just like an aged man. The monkey said that he was looking for his family and had been searching for many years and this is why he would enter people's homes. The monkey's eyes were sad, and yet, slightly mischievous.
To my child's eyes, the problem seemed simple and I told the monkey that if he continued northwards, he would reach Borivali National Park, a huge forested area, where there were sure to be many monkeys and he might find his missing family among them.
Just as I said this, my grandmother singalled a gawking maid who suddenly leapt up, grabbed a stick and what seemed to me violently, chased the monkey out.
Having been both an agnostic and an atheist, am now exploring books written by Paramhansa Yogananda and Sadhguru and trying to read other Hindu scriptures. Just as I awoke, I wondered if this were a response to my earlier wish, where I had asked for a man. The monkey in my dream, seemed to be a man too. By asking for a man, would I be satisfied with just a male counterpart - what if he was only a monkey?
Though I have never wanted just a shallow caricature of a romantic fictional 'man', I think the dream was a lesson to teach me that I had asked for something quite shallow. If 'maleness' was all I wanted, then even a talking monkey ought to suffice! Perhaps this was my subconscious recognizing that I need to clarify and crystallize to myself, what I really wanted. Or that one should live one's life without a constant companion as that's not as important as spiritual upliftment.
I know am not ready for that. I still need a partner for companionship - and being single again for over five years has only reinforced that, but yes, an intelligent being, someone with humour and feeling and the qualities that would make him humane. Too much to hope for?
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